How to Be a Good Friend

Being a good friend is about being reliable, kind- hearted and thoughtful. In this way you'll develop and maintain a friendship that lasts for years. One good friend is priceless. Taking the time to nurture a friendship is worth every moment.

1. Be real. Connect with people whose friendship you value and see as sustainable long-term. Good friendships don't arise from hoping someone else's popularity or networks will rub off on you. Rather, a good friendship comes about by being with people who connect with you at a basic level. If you're trying to be friends with a person just to be accepted into a certain clique, or because you'd like to get to know someone else that he or she knows, that's not friendship – it's opportunism – and eventually you'll regret the shallow nature of your involvement. Every new person you meet has the right to be accepted (or not) on his or her own merits, so it's better to just be yourself than to let anyone else influence you into being someone you are not. In turn, you have a responsibility to fill their life with good memories and happy moments. Bear in mind it's better to be detested for who you are, than to be liked for who you aren't and good friendships withstand differences of opinion or outlooks anyway and never leave your friends behind
2. Be honest. A dishonest person has no chance of having true friends because it's hard to rely or trust a person who doesn't behave in a supportive, consistent or trustworthy way.Keep your promises, do what you say you are going to do, and most importantly––don't lie! Lying happens in those moments when you say "Okay, I will..." but you never do or you only fulfill part of what you promised. Eventually people will figure you out and realize that you don't do what you say you will. If you've found yourself lying about doing things, then not trying to keep your word, start owning up to it and stop doing it. If you can't do something, explain so and trust that the friendship is strong enough for the no's as well as the yeses. And start being dependable when you say that you will do something. Don't tell other people their secrets!
3. Be loyal. If your friend tells you something in confidence, keep that confidence and don't talk about it to anyone else. It's what you'd expect in return and so be tight lipped about the matter. Don't discuss your friend behind their back and don't spread rumors about the confidences they've imparted to you. Rule out gossip or backstabbing when it comes to friendship! Never say anything about your friend that you would not be prepared to repeat to their face.
   • Don't let others say bad things about your friend. Until you've had a chance to hear your friend's side of the story, treat comments that are not supportive as hearsay and rumors. If someone says something that shocks you and doesn't seem like a thing your friend would do or say, then respond with something like: "I know him/her, and that just doesn't sound right. Let me talk to him/her, find out his/her perspective on this. If it turns out to be true, I'll let you know. Until then, I would appreciate it, if you didn't spread that around, because that might not be what was really meant or intended…"
   • Do not tell anyone if your friend has a crush on someone. They would feel bad if you have told someone that they would not wish to tell or a person that would spread a message about them.
   
   
4. Be respectful. Good friends respect one another and show this by being openly and mutually supportive. If your friend has certain values and beliefs that don't align with your own, respect their choices and be open to listening about them. Don't mock or belittle what they believe in; instead, be understanding and try to keep learning. Over time, the differences will make both of you stronger and better people as well as stronger friends.
   • Always listen to what your friend has to say. Sometimes your friend will say things that you find boring, uncomfortable or annoying but if you have respect for your friend, you'll override these feelings with the desire to listen openly and give your friend the space to say what is needed and to do so without judgment.
   • There will be times when you don't see eye to eye with your friend. Rather than demanding that your friend changes their way of seeing things, disagree respectfully and be willing to see things differently.
5. Share. Being selfless is an important part of being a good friend. Accommodate your friend's wishes whenever you can provided this is done in a balanced way in your friendship. Be there when you're needed and go the extra mile if it's going to make a big difference for your friend. Reciprocate in kind with caring deeds and help and your friendship will be strengthened.
6. Watch out for your friend. If you sense that your friend is getting into some sort of trouble over which they have little control, such as taking drugs, being promiscuous or getting too drunk at a party, help him or her to get away from the situation. Don't assume that they're big enough to care for themselves; this may be the very time that your voice of common sense is needed to wake them from their fugue.
7. Pitch in for friends during times of crisis. If your friend has to go to the hospital, you could help pack his or her bags; if her/his dog runs away, help to find it, if he/she needs someone to pick him/her up, be there. Take notes for your friend in school and give homework assignments when you know that one is absent and sick at home. Send cards and care packages. If there is a death in his/her family, you might want to attend the funeral – or cook and take a dish or a meal over to your friend. Care about your friend enough to help him or her open up and let the tears roll. Give a tissue and listen. Really listen openly. You don't have to say anything, just don't be too upset by hearing sadness or anger, or deep grief. Stay calm and reassuring.
8. Give thoughtful advice when asked, but don't insist that your friend does as you say. Don't judge your friend, simply advise them when they reach out for advice or when they need to hear a little tough love to keep them out of dangerous situations where they might harm themselves or others. Tell your friend how you perceive their situation using factual information, and suggest what you might do in the same circumstances. Don't be offended by your friend listening to your advice and then deciding to ignore it. Your friend must make their own decisions.
9. Listen. You don't have to agree––just listen to what is being said. Make sure to stop talking for a moment and listen. Some people don't really find it interesting listening to someone talk about your or their feelings 24/7. If you're monopolizing every conversation with your feelings, your friend isn't getting anything out of the relationship. For example, don't sigh and groan like the world is against you. Seek help elsewhere and try to stop being paranoid. Listening opens space between the two of you and reassures your friend that you're not judging them.
10. Step back and give your friend space. Understand if your friend wants to be alone or to hang out with other people. Allow it to happen. There's no need to become clingy or needy. Friendship doesn't require that you always have to be paired together. Allowing one another the time to hang with other friends gives you much-needed breathing room, and allows you to come together fresh and appreciating each other even more.
11. Don't be selfish. Grabbing, stealing, envying and/or begging are big nos in the rules of friendship. The friend will soon get tired of this and eventually move toward more selfless people who are willing to give the same as one gets, but a good friend will not demand it, yet one might mention being tired of it. Even if you are a total wreck , don't expect constant sympathy.
12. Be forgiving when things go wrong in your friendship. Hate the act, not the person. If your friend has done something wrong, don't judge them too harshly. If you really are a good friend, you'll never take anything against him/her. Everything can be talked about, anyway.
13. Live by the golden rule. Always treat a friend as you would want to be treated. Don't do or say anything that you wouldn't want done to you. Be there through thick and thin as long as that is how you feel as a true friend. Don't begrudge everything as a favor that has to be repaid immediately.
14. Seek to deepen your friendship over time. The more you are with one another, the less you idealize each other and the more you accept one another for who you really are. This is what being a truly good friend is really about––caring deeply for each other, warts and all.
15. Be trustworthy. Keep secrets, never break a promise, and let them know you care. If you don't think you can keep their secret, don't let them tell you, resist the temptation. Also, let them know you care by giving actions of love. If you are away, send them nice letters that mean a lot to both of you. If someone is bothering them and you know it, stand up for them! It is your job to watch out for them, as if you want them to watch out for you, and hopefully they do. Be a good guest at their house and realize that if/when you are truly best friends, their family is family, and her/his house is home to you.
16. Go beyond the call of duty. A friend will wait while you do your homework. A great friend helps. If your friend asks for bus money, you could offer her a ride. Be ready to lend things and don't do it with a sulky air, at that makes the favour seem unwilling. Remember that if you are a good friend, people want to be a good friend to you. Be ready to help, but don't let your friends walk over you. Make sure they return expensive borrowed items, but don't be rude.

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